[ listen. running around feral and waking up like a drunk frat boy has gotten toji through all the worst parts of his life and he's not about to stop now.
the sudden appearance of what looks like an only slightly fucked up house cat does give him pause long enough that aventurine is able to successfully pounce on him, cling, and revert forms, after which toji is so generally perplexed by how... affectionate? friendly? weirdly attached to him?? aventurine is to immediately pry him off.
guess the guy is just that freaked out, probably. ]
I can stick around for a bit in case it's not, [ toji offers, managing to sound mostly not awkward about it as he gives a shrug and glowers around the room like he's expecting something else to bust in. ]
What's with the... cat thing? [ this is toji's best effort at conversation in lieu of there being anything to fight. ]
[ when unhealthy coping skills do the job, if it ain't broke don't fix it, damn. . .
He is absolutely freaked out, but this is also the first person that's ever come to his aid when he's asked. Not that he's asked all so many times, but that's not the point. It also doesn't matter if he's paying the other, Toji still came and that's enough for an actually spooked Aventurine with no time to have gotten a handle on his wits yet to be a bit clingy. he's so confused that he hasn't really had a chance to calm down, either. this is just not something he anticipated happening for any reason that isn't obvious so he's left scrambling to try and figure out what he missed. the idea of Sleep getting a complete one up on him is unacceptable. (...the idea of anyone or anything else is unacceptable, too.)
Aventurine will peek up at Toji at the offer— and now is the perfect time for a cheeky reply— but he's got nothing. So he nods (barely) looking down at something suddenly extremely interesting on the filthy floor. ]
Okay, I'll make sure you're compensated for that, too.
[ When Toji asks about the cat, he blinks with a stupid look on his face, before hugging himself. ]
Eh heh... I was hoping if I didn't look like myself they might get confused and leave.
... Unfortunately, I can't really tell if these things are duped or not. ...My guess is they can't see all that well, anyway.
Doesn't matter, [ toji mutters, one arm wrapped loosely around aventurine as he looks around to make sure there isn't any immediate danger. there's still sounds of movements of presumably hosts trying to find more prey, but it's all distant enough that toji stays put as he is. ]
If anything else comes through, I'll take care of it.
[ he looks around at the frankly... shambles of aventurine's place, trying to calculate the most defensible place for them to dig in until the worst of this blows past. ]
You got an interior bathroom without windows or anything like that? And some snacks?
[ is he saying don't worry about paying extra or about the cat not being useful. he's just going to take care of it??
does it matter.toji' s not being abrasive and is like actually listening to what he's saying? what the hell. did aventurine hit his head? he's not even making fun of him for needing to call on him even a little bit. ]
...Yeah, uh, there's a pretty big one upstairs. What... kind of snacks do you like...
[ Aventurine asks it in a way that is so strangely awkward it's like someone wanting to offer to get their first date candy or something at theatre desk and halfway through realizing it might be totally wrong to be making the offer so casually so soon. Shitty gold thing that looks like a star, Aventurine made some kind of attempt. ]
I'll eat whatever. Just takes a lot of calories, to, you know.
[ he gestures vaguely to himself and shrugs. looking around at his options, he sweeps aventurine's legs out from under him with one arm, figuring the guy will know to grab onto his neck or shoulders rather than just hit the floor. he holds aventurine up with just the one arm and whatever support aventurine is providing himself as he strolls toward the kitchen to rummage for food with his free hand like aventurine doesn't weight anything at all. ]
Here, hold onto this.
[ he starts piling food in aventurine's arms/lap. ]
[ oh hello, Aventurine admittedly does almost go backwards to hit the floor as he's confused and stupid enough for it, but he manages to grab onto Toji's shirt just in time before the other would need to really do something about it to prevent a problem. he'll pull himself back up like it didn't happen at all.
unsure what to do with himself, though, he will just wrap his arms around the other's neck because it seems like the best thing to not get in his way while he's looking.
there's plenty of snacks, including asian snacks and candies. he's raided everywhere for everything for a long time, and this is just the stuff he keeps to try out himself since he can't read any of it. there's even more if he goes to backroom areas of the hotel lobby. Aventurine definitely knows how to survive if nothing else.
automatically, he'll take start taking hold of food to keep it in his lap once he's sure he's balanced with one arm to not go for another backwards dive. ]
[ once toji has as much food as he can feasibly transport on aventurine's person, he locates the stairs and heads up. he finds the bathroom without much difficulty, peering around corners and doorways just to make sure they're not about to get jumped because he would really hate to lose any of his snacks.
but, the path is clear and he sets aventurine down on the bath mat near the tub. ]
Stay here, and don't let anything happen to my snacks.
[ a few minutes later, he shows back up with some pillows and a blanket in case they're in here for a while, and a chair to barricade the door with. he's not worried about keeping it shut for long since the hosts are strong enough to sling around cars themselves. just long enough to give him a heads up that he's gonna need to take action.
he tosses the blanket and pillows to aventurine before he gets to work on blocking off the door. ]
[ he'll make sure nothing happens to them, although he's pretty sure he got rid of any gross animal host nests that had taken up place here. by the time toji is back, aventurine is making a feel large floating bubbles that act as lanterns so he can see as unlike the lycan, he has not the greatest eyesight in the dark (but he can see enough.) still, he prefers light! and hosts hate it.
Aventurine catches the stuff with a light oof, the bubbles floating up unbothered, a couple gliding over to and around Toji as if they could be almost curious or otherwise trying to help somehow, but they just stay lighting up the area nicely.
by the time Toji's finished, though, he'll find Aventurine staring at him a bit wide eyed (but also kind of delighted surprisingly??) ]
...Hey, you have ears. [ sounds dumb, but he doesn't mean human ears. ]
[ the canine ears atop his head flick in aventurine's direction at the sound of his voice. there's a distant shifting of rubble somewhere to their left, and just one ear swivels to listen to both. ]
Yeah. Usually when I get worked up, [ toji explains, reaching up to scratch lightly at the base of one ear. he plops himself down on the bath mat and finds a pillow to wedge between himself and the nearest vertical surface tall enough for him to get comfortable against. then, he starts rummaging for snacks. ]
You have a lot of decent shit, [ he compliments, meaning all the properly asian snacks. he rips open a bag of steak flavored chips and starts munching away. ]
They look good on you! They fluff out your hair a bit. Can you hear better with them or anything or only when you're fully transformed?
[ he's not sure what else to say, but they do look good. the lycans have the cutest features out of any Vessel in his opinion despite them all being pretty intimidating when fully transformed.
as for the snacks: ] Oh yeah? I could tell they were foodstuff but I have no idea what many of them are. I know the vet guy likes the candy stuff. Take what you want with you if there's stuff you like. When I first got here, I spent every hour I wasn't sleeping running around looking for everything and anything. I managed to stock a lot of random things.
[ gestures at the chips. ] Like, what are those? I can tell they're a chip form the package, but not exactly the flavor.
[ toji doesn't totally know what to do with being called 'cute', which is weird for him. normally he'd just say something really inappropriate and move on with his day, but he simply twitches an ear at the compliment before simply answering the question. ]
Yeah, directional sound is a lot better with them. Isolating specific noises too. Wouldn't mind having them all the time.
[ when aventurine asks about the chips, he blinks and pats the space next to him, pulling aventurine in to give him a lesson. steak is a loan word, so. ]
Steak, [ he informs, pointing to where the bag lists the flavor in katakana. ]
So, sometimes it'll be written in kanji. Like, uh... [ he rummages around until he finds the bag he spotted earlier when he was raiding the kitchen. ]
See these characters here? They're 'wagyu'. It's a fancy ass cut of steak from like a specific cow, I think. If you guys don't have that where you're from. But sometimes it's a loan word, and in Japanese loan words are spelled out in katakana.
[ he shows adventurine the first bag again. ]
See? Here. 'Suteeki' [ he points to each character in 'ステーキ' as he pronounces it. ]
Steak. And this character here, after it, means 'flavor'.
I don't know much about Offering traits, but I imagine you'd be able to control that if they show up when when your instincts are elevated. Do you use your Offering abilities a lot? My guess is you don't actively since you're used to strength and skill from back home, so you mostly transform involuntarily, too.
[ he'll crawl over to peer curiously at what is being shown to him. The 'kanji' looks somewhat like the language the people of Luofu use locally. ]
Sounds similar to specially bred animals for optimal fat and muscle ratio that supposedly produces the highest tiers of culinary experiences. Those types of cuts are highly treasured by the filthy rich where I'm from.
[ okay, well now he's gonna know steak flavor forever in Japanese even if those are the only two things he manages to remember about the language. he glances at the word, then the chips in the bag and then at Toji. ]
[ stares at Toji with this expression because sir the 'pretty good for a potato chip' range is so vastly wide when it's supposed to taste like a prized cow.
... but also, Aventurine's NOT going to refuse trying something that tastes like high end steak in the post-apocalypse hell. the only better thing might be if it tastes like a fresh vegetable because they got none of those as far as he knows.
he looks like he's going to take the chip but stops, hesitating before instead just slowly opening his mouth. Okay... weird trust exercise is a go, and it's not a pie or piece of cake, at the very least?! ]
[ toji just cants his head to one side curiously exactly like a dog at the hesitation, then goes ahead and pops the chip in aventurine's awaiting mouth with a shocking lack of both obscenity or aggression.
the taste, as promised, is shockingly authentic. there's a full bodied meatiness to it, as well as a savory smokiness almost like the chip was flame-grilled the way a proper steak would be. the flavor is all there, but it's still just a chip. crisp, oily, thin. the texture isn't there, or the heat, or the rich steak juices. pretty good for a chip, but not steak.
toji crunches down a few more chips himself, studying aventurine for a verdict. ]
[ (this is like the fucking twilight zone to him??? he's not going to think about it, though, he's just going to pretend he's just as chill and normal about it as this psycho—)
well, admittedly, he's never had true wagyu beef so he's not fully aware of how authentic it is, but he also can't really argue because it is tasty—not to mention it is a pretty good imitation considering it's a fried piece of potato plus salt plus flavorings.
Also, it's not exactly the freshest you could normally buy. So, all in all, it's actually pretty good. Even better considering what they've been dealing with here for months now.
He swallows it, but he can't help himself, squinting at Toji a little instead of giving him a verdict right away. He'll lean to get their faces closer before saying quietly: ]
Have you had wagyu beef before? [ this guy barely wears any damn shoes around here and stuff's free. he almost can't possibly imagine Toji going out of his way to get himself high end beef steaks. how is an alien supposed to know what earth fancy steaks taste like! ]
[ toji thinks about the question for a bit, then shrugged. his memory wasn't all that reliable on a good day, and there were pretty big gaps in his childhood, his adolescence, and also like. last week. he's good at remembering shit for work, otherwise he'd have died well before he ever had megumi, but the personal stuff...
what's there worth remembering, anyway? it's just bad shit or good shit that eventually gets so painful to think about that it's worse than the bad shit.
anyway. ]
Probably? [ a normal answer coming from a normal guy. aventurine, baby, you have got to get some better taste in men. ]
I grew up pretty rich so, maybe we ate that sometimes. And my handler tries to get me to buy stuff sometimes instead of pissing it all away on horse races. Meat's a pretty safe bet. But with wagyu it's mostly about the kind of cow and how it's raised and shit. It's supposed to have pretty good marbling, melt in your mouth sort of thing. Pretty sure I've had that once or twice.
[ a pause, and then there's his wife's voice in his head, laughing at him. or, maybe, about him. she always laughed like she was falling in love with him all over again, never like he was the thing that was funny. he can hear her reminding him that girls like it when guys are curious about them back. aventurine isn't a girl, but. girls are people. people like when people are curious about them back. ]
[ Aventurine isn't a girl, but he's also much more of one than many of the actual females in this place. So even without Toji's 'people' logic, he's onto something for remembering his wife's words and taking care to listen to them.
The Avgin's expression lights up a bit in surprise at hearing that Toji grew up in a wealthy family. Mostly because his mind immediately returns to the dream in that awful place that Megumi was trapped in. Then again, he supposes an unwealthy family wouldn't have such a compound.
It's easy to see that if Toji grew up wealthy, it was unlikely a boon as most people tend to believe wealth is. Was he left in that place, too, when he was young and unable to escape his family? If so, how much better was being a son of a wealthy family than a slave of one, in that case?
Caught in his thoughts as he listens, he blinks suddenly at Toji's question about what he likes to eat. Honestly, Aventurine has all but mostly forgotten about what he likes to eat besides the basics (besides ... he isn't picky— has never been picky.) ]
I like... well, I like a lot of things. I didn't eat much beef or pork until I grew up, but it's really good. I lived in the desert, so food was usually stews and flatbreads with fruits, vegetables, beans, and nuts you can find, and the type of meat from small animals that survive out there.
As an adult, though, I'm always at expensive fancy places for business meetings. I really like sweet foods from those places the best.
[ He gets that didn't really explain what he personally likes to eat so clearly, but he has never really thought about it. Besides, cakes and desserts and cheap snacks likes chips and things are very fascinating to him, so ... it's close enough! Especially since he thinks an easier question is what kind of food doesn't he like?
He has a much more pressing question, though. ]
... Hey, so, why do you spend so much time and money betting on horses if you aren't hoping to win?
[ toji gives a low hum, and for a few seconds it looks like he's about to blow aventurine off or not answer at all. then he shrugs and says— ]
It's the only thing that feels like something, I guess. I dunno. It's easy and it feels like something. What else would I do with the money?
[ he's not articulate enough to properly express his inner workings, doesn't have the emotional intelligence or the self-awareness to put the existential exhaustion of trying to figure out a way to pass time that's not just fucking agony. everything but the killer for hire and the horse races was choked over with ghosts.
those were the only things he could do without having to walk over the broken glass that was the loss of her, that wasn't pain sinking deeper and deeper with every step that she would've liked this. the she would've liked this and the i want to tell her about this and the i wish she was here with me.
she wouldn't have liked any of that. he never wanted to tell her about it. when he was losing all his money at the racetrack or putting a bullet through a teenager's head, he didn't wish she was there at all.
it was the only time he didn't wish she was there at all. so he had to live like that.
but toji doesn't know any of that about himself. he just knows it was the only thing he could bear to do. ]
Guess maybe it's more fun when you're born a losing horse.
[ Aventurine considers this before tilting his head a little. ]
So just a distraction, then...
[ he can't read minds, so he doesn't know much at all about the reflections Toji can't even understand about himself. Aventurine can understand gambling as a distraction and a way to pass the time, though, even if he does it for the hit right before the scales decisively tip. leaning forward he goes to poke at Toji's shoulder with a finger curiously, like testing if the other can actually feel it. Despite that, though, the words that come out of his mouth hesitantly are anything but silly. ]
... Just because you got a shitty lot in life doesn't mean you deserved to get it. Even if you were born a losing horse, that's not because there's something wrong with you. Afterall, no one gave you the opportunity to run to begin with.
[ Aventurine can't help himself but insist on this, even if he objectively knows it won't do any good for Toji. Toji can't go back and try to pick up the pieces of his life back home, but it's nice to think they can all have some time while here to do the things they were denied back home, isn't it...? Maybe it's overly optimistic.
he'll clear his throat though, realizing that's awkward to leave silence with, so he quickly goes back to the comment about it being fun. ]
I'm a gambler, so I think they're all fun. [ well, not really, but it's close enough. ] You don't seem like a gambler yourself though, just a bettor on horses. I wasn't sure if there was something about them.
[ maybe Toji likes horses when he was kid Aventurine doesn't know... ]
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the sudden appearance of what looks like an only slightly fucked up house cat does give him pause long enough that aventurine is able to successfully pounce on him, cling, and revert forms, after which toji is so generally perplexed by how... affectionate? friendly? weirdly attached to him?? aventurine is to immediately pry him off.
guess the guy is just that freaked out, probably. ]
I can stick around for a bit in case it's not, [ toji offers, managing to sound mostly not awkward about it as he gives a shrug and glowers around the room like he's expecting something else to bust in. ]
What's with the... cat thing? [ this is toji's best effort at conversation in lieu of there being anything to fight. ]
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He is absolutely freaked out, but this is also the first person that's ever come to his aid when he's asked. Not that he's asked all so many times, but that's not the point. It also doesn't matter if he's paying the other, Toji still came and that's enough for an actually spooked Aventurine with no time to have gotten a handle on his wits yet to be a bit clingy. he's so confused that he hasn't really had a chance to calm down, either. this is just not something he anticipated happening for any reason that isn't obvious so he's left scrambling to try and figure out what he missed. the idea of Sleep getting a complete one up on him is unacceptable. (...the idea of anyone or anything else is unacceptable, too.)
Aventurine will peek up at Toji at the offer— and now is the perfect time for a cheeky reply— but he's got nothing. So he nods (barely) looking down at something suddenly extremely interesting on the filthy floor. ]
Okay, I'll make sure you're compensated for that, too.
[ When Toji asks about the cat, he blinks with a stupid look on his face, before hugging himself. ]
Eh heh... I was hoping if I didn't look like myself they might get confused and leave.
... Unfortunately, I can't really tell if these things are duped or not. ...My guess is they can't see all that well, anyway.
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If anything else comes through, I'll take care of it.
[ he looks around at the frankly... shambles of aventurine's place, trying to calculate the most defensible place for them to dig in until the worst of this blows past. ]
You got an interior bathroom without windows or anything like that? And some snacks?
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does it matter.toji' s not being abrasive and is like actually listening to what he's saying? what the hell. did aventurine hit his head? he's not even making fun of him for needing to call on him even a little bit. ]
...Yeah, uh, there's a pretty big one upstairs. What... kind of snacks do you like...
[ Aventurine asks it in a way that is so strangely awkward it's like someone wanting to offer to get their first date candy or something at theatre desk and halfway through realizing it might be totally wrong to be making the offer so casually so soon. Shitty gold thing that looks like a star, Aventurine made some kind of attempt. ]
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[ he gestures vaguely to himself and shrugs. looking around at his options, he sweeps aventurine's legs out from under him with one arm, figuring the guy will know to grab onto his neck or shoulders rather than just hit the floor. he holds aventurine up with just the one arm and whatever support aventurine is providing himself as he strolls toward the kitchen to rummage for food with his free hand like aventurine doesn't weight anything at all. ]
Here, hold onto this.
[ he starts piling food in aventurine's arms/lap. ]
1/2
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unsure what to do with himself, though, he will just wrap his arms around the other's neck because it seems like the best thing to not get in his way while he's looking.
there's plenty of snacks, including asian snacks and candies. he's raided everywhere for everything for a long time, and this is just the stuff he keeps to try out himself since he can't read any of it. there's even more if he goes to backroom areas of the hotel lobby. Aventurine definitely knows how to survive if nothing else.
automatically, he'll take start taking hold of food to keep it in his lap once he's sure he's balanced with one arm to not go for another backwards dive. ]
no subject
but, the path is clear and he sets aventurine down on the bath mat near the tub. ]
Stay here, and don't let anything happen to my snacks.
[ a few minutes later, he shows back up with some pillows and a blanket in case they're in here for a while, and a chair to barricade the door with. he's not worried about keeping it shut for long since the hosts are strong enough to sling around cars themselves. just long enough to give him a heads up that he's gonna need to take action.
he tosses the blanket and pillows to aventurine before he gets to work on blocking off the door. ]
Get comfortable.
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Aventurine catches the stuff with a light oof, the bubbles floating up unbothered, a couple gliding over to and around Toji as if they could be almost curious or otherwise trying to help somehow, but they just stay lighting up the area nicely.
by the time Toji's finished, though, he'll find Aventurine staring at him a bit wide eyed (but also kind of delighted surprisingly??) ]
...Hey, you have ears. [ sounds dumb, but he doesn't mean human ears. ]
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Yeah. Usually when I get worked up, [ toji explains, reaching up to scratch lightly at the base of one ear. he plops himself down on the bath mat and finds a pillow to wedge between himself and the nearest vertical surface tall enough for him to get comfortable against. then, he starts rummaging for snacks. ]
You have a lot of decent shit, [ he compliments, meaning all the properly asian snacks. he rips open a bag of steak flavored chips and starts munching away. ]
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[ he's not sure what else to say, but they do look good. the lycans have the cutest features out of any Vessel in his opinion despite them all being pretty intimidating when fully transformed.
as for the snacks: ] Oh yeah? I could tell they were foodstuff but I have no idea what many of them are. I know the vet guy likes the candy stuff. Take what you want with you if there's stuff you like. When I first got here, I spent every hour I wasn't sleeping running around looking for everything and anything. I managed to stock a lot of random things.
[ gestures at the chips. ] Like, what are those? I can tell they're a chip form the package, but not exactly the flavor.
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Yeah, directional sound is a lot better with them. Isolating specific noises too. Wouldn't mind having them all the time.
[ when aventurine asks about the chips, he blinks and pats the space next to him, pulling aventurine in to give him a lesson. steak is a loan word, so. ]
Steak, [ he informs, pointing to where the bag lists the flavor in katakana. ]
So, sometimes it'll be written in kanji. Like, uh... [ he rummages around until he finds the bag he spotted earlier when he was raiding the kitchen. ]
See these characters here? They're 'wagyu'. It's a fancy ass cut of steak from like a specific cow, I think. If you guys don't have that where you're from. But sometimes it's a loan word, and in Japanese loan words are spelled out in katakana.
[ he shows adventurine the first bag again. ]
See? Here. 'Suteeki' [ he points to each character in 'ステーキ' as he pronounces it. ]
Steak. And this character here, after it, means 'flavor'.
no subject
[ he'll crawl over to peer curiously at what is being shown to him. The 'kanji' looks somewhat like the language the people of Luofu use locally. ]
Sounds similar to specially bred animals for optimal fat and muscle ratio that supposedly produces the highest tiers of culinary experiences. Those types of cuts are highly treasured by the filthy rich where I'm from.
[ okay, well now he's gonna know steak flavor forever in Japanese even if those are the only two things he manages to remember about the language. he glances at the word, then the chips in the bag and then at Toji. ]
...Does it really taste like it?
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Pretty close? Not as good as the real thing, but not a bad imitation for, you know, a potato chip.
[ he picks one up out of the bag and holds it up to aventurine like he's going to feed it to him. ]
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... but also, Aventurine's NOT going to refuse trying something that tastes like high end steak in the post-apocalypse hell. the only better thing might be if it tastes like a fresh vegetable because they got none of those as far as he knows.
he looks like he's going to take the chip but stops, hesitating before instead just slowly opening his mouth. Okay... weird trust exercise is a go, and it's not a pie or piece of cake, at the very least?! ]
no subject
the taste, as promised, is shockingly authentic. there's a full bodied meatiness to it, as well as a savory smokiness almost like the chip was flame-grilled the way a proper steak would be. the flavor is all there, but it's still just a chip. crisp, oily, thin. the texture isn't there, or the heat, or the rich steak juices. pretty good for a chip, but not steak.
toji crunches down a few more chips himself, studying aventurine for a verdict. ]
no subject
well, admittedly, he's never had true wagyu beef so he's not fully aware of how authentic it is, but he also can't really argue because it is tasty—not to mention it is a pretty good imitation considering it's a fried piece of potato plus salt plus flavorings.
Also, it's not exactly the freshest you could normally buy. So, all in all, it's actually pretty good. Even better considering what they've been dealing with here for months now.
He swallows it, but he can't help himself, squinting at Toji a little instead of giving him a verdict right away. He'll lean to get their faces closer before saying quietly: ]
Have you had wagyu beef before? [ this guy barely wears any damn shoes around here and stuff's free. he almost can't possibly imagine Toji going out of his way to get himself high end beef steaks. how is an alien supposed to know what earth fancy steaks taste like! ]
no subject
what's there worth remembering, anyway? it's just bad shit or good shit that eventually gets so painful to think about that it's worse than the bad shit.
anyway. ]
Probably? [ a normal answer coming from a normal guy. aventurine, baby, you have got to get some better taste in men. ]
I grew up pretty rich so, maybe we ate that sometimes. And my handler tries to get me to buy stuff sometimes instead of pissing it all away on horse races. Meat's a pretty safe bet. But with wagyu it's mostly about the kind of cow and how it's raised and shit. It's supposed to have pretty good marbling, melt in your mouth sort of thing. Pretty sure I've had that once or twice.
[ a pause, and then there's his wife's voice in his head, laughing at him. or, maybe, about him. she always laughed like she was falling in love with him all over again, never like he was the thing that was funny. he can hear her reminding him that girls like it when guys are curious about them back. aventurine isn't a girl, but. girls are people. people like when people are curious about them back. ]
What shit do you like to eat?
no subject
The Avgin's expression lights up a bit in surprise at hearing that Toji grew up in a wealthy family. Mostly because his mind immediately returns to the dream in that awful place that Megumi was trapped in. Then again, he supposes an unwealthy family wouldn't have such a compound.
It's easy to see that if Toji grew up wealthy, it was unlikely a boon as most people tend to believe wealth is. Was he left in that place, too, when he was young and unable to escape his family? If so, how much better was being a son of a wealthy family than a slave of one, in that case?
Caught in his thoughts as he listens, he blinks suddenly at Toji's question about what he likes to eat. Honestly, Aventurine has all but mostly forgotten about what he likes to eat besides the basics (besides ... he isn't picky— has never been picky.) ]
I like... well, I like a lot of things. I didn't eat much beef or pork until I grew up, but it's really good. I lived in the desert, so food was usually stews and flatbreads with fruits, vegetables, beans, and nuts you can find, and the type of meat from small animals that survive out there.
As an adult, though, I'm always at expensive fancy places for business meetings. I really like sweet foods from those places the best.
[ He gets that didn't really explain what he personally likes to eat so clearly, but he has never really thought about it. Besides, cakes and desserts and cheap snacks likes chips and things are very fascinating to him, so ... it's close enough! Especially since he thinks an easier question is what kind of food doesn't he like?
He has a much more pressing question, though. ]
... Hey, so, why do you spend so much time and money betting on horses if you aren't hoping to win?
no subject
It's the only thing that feels like something, I guess. I dunno. It's easy and it feels like something. What else would I do with the money?
[ he's not articulate enough to properly express his inner workings, doesn't have the emotional intelligence or the self-awareness to put the existential exhaustion of trying to figure out a way to pass time that's not just fucking agony. everything but the killer for hire and the horse races was choked over with ghosts.
those were the only things he could do without having to walk over the broken glass that was the loss of her, that wasn't pain sinking deeper and deeper with every step that she would've liked this. the she would've liked this and the i want to tell her about this and the i wish she was here with me.
she wouldn't have liked any of that. he never wanted to tell her about it. when he was losing all his money at the racetrack or putting a bullet through a teenager's head, he didn't wish she was there at all.
it was the only time he didn't wish she was there at all. so he had to live like that.
but toji doesn't know any of that about himself. he just knows it was the only thing he could bear to do. ]
Guess maybe it's more fun when you're born a losing horse.
no subject
So just a distraction, then...
[ he can't read minds, so he doesn't know much at all about the reflections Toji can't even understand about himself. Aventurine can understand gambling as a distraction and a way to pass the time, though, even if he does it for the hit right before the scales decisively tip. leaning forward he goes to poke at Toji's shoulder with a finger curiously, like testing if the other can actually feel it. Despite that, though, the words that come out of his mouth hesitantly are anything but silly. ]
... Just because you got a shitty lot in life doesn't mean you deserved to get it. Even if you were born a losing horse, that's not because there's something wrong with you. Afterall, no one gave you the opportunity to run to begin with.
[ Aventurine can't help himself but insist on this, even if he objectively knows it won't do any good for Toji. Toji can't go back and try to pick up the pieces of his life back home, but it's nice to think they can all have some time while here to do the things they were denied back home, isn't it...? Maybe it's overly optimistic.
he'll clear his throat though, realizing that's awkward to leave silence with, so he quickly goes back to the comment about it being fun. ]
I'm a gambler, so I think they're all fun. [ well, not really, but it's close enough. ] You don't seem like a gambler yourself though, just a bettor on horses. I wasn't sure if there was something about them.
[ maybe Toji likes horses when he was kid Aventurine doesn't know... ]